Cairns

So I've left. I left Melbourne and I am the saddest I've been for a long time. It's physically painful. It's even painful to write about, but at the same time if I don't record these feelings now I'll lose them. Life moves on, and I know that, but you don't expect it to hurt as much as it does.

I'm desperately trying to figure out how to get back and live in Melbourne. I'm anxious about what life waits for me back Minneapolis. It's home, and it always will be, but Melbourne felt different. Like a different kind of home. I left my comfort zone in a big to come to Australia, but I was ready to move on then. I was ready for a new adventure. Now I've left Melbourne and I just question everything I'm doing.

When I first got to Melbourne I remember talking to Arj Barker after a show at Spleen. I'd talked to him before at Acme, and figured it was worth talking to him. When we were chatting he mentioned how great it must be for me. But at the time, I my thought was "seriously? This isn't great. It's not bad, but certainly isn't great." It's amazing to think of how much I've grown since then. It took so long to get a point where I was with people who cared about me. I found acceptance, and it took a long time to find.

Now I'm back living in a hostel. I hate living in hostels. Frankly, I hate travelling. I just don't like being away from my home, where ever that home may be. I remember as a kid getting back from family vacations and just being relieved. Realistically the only reason I'm in Cairns in the first place is out of some stupid obligation I feel towards home. I'm up here chasing that a dream that other people think I should want. My head is full of regrets about being here. Why didn't I stay and be with my friends who love me in Melbourne for my last month instead of flying to this soggy forest? It doesn't feel right, and yet I have no one to blame but myself. Cairns is not a place that I would choose to live in. Had I known what I was getting myself into I may have chosen differently. There are too many North American tourists. In fact, there's too much tourism in general. I'm going snorkling tomorrow in the Great Barrier Reef, and I'm not even that excited. There's a just a pit in my stomach.

I worry that dwelling is making things worse, but also that if I stop thinking about how great a time I had in Melbourne it'll disappear. My dad said I'm coping with loss, and that doesn't seem like that far off the mark. What's even harder is that I know if I were to stay in Melbourne permanently things still wouldn't be the same. Life is always changing. Making new friends, losing touch with others, building new experiences. But letting go is hard.

Oh, and it's hot and humid here and I resent it for that too.

Letting Go

Hi. I'm at the library today cowering from the heat. It's terribly hot today. In fact, it's a four day stretch of scorching heat. Each is over 40 degrees Celsius. Yesterday was the hottest temperature day I've ever encountered. It got up to 109 Fahrenheit. But it's dry heat, so it's relatively tolerable. Well during the day. It sucks harsh at night.

I'm not sure how much more I could talk about the weather if I really wanted to, but this post isn't about that. I've been putting off talking about is that I'm finally leaving Melbourne, and I'm at the point of acceptance. It took me a while to get this point, but I'm here. It got to the point where I was having difficulty booking flights because booking the flight meant I was really leaving. Obviously, procrastination is not a great tactic while booking flights, I booked my flight to Cairns a week or two ago and now I leave in less than two weeks. It's hard to leave, but I'm ready.

God, I just don't know what to say. I'm just in this anxious period of travelling where I'm just waiting until I leave. I'm busy virtually every night until I leave, mostly comedy nights. But the days are still open and I have little to do. One thing I have planned for is that I'm having a going away party this Saturday. Like most parties I've hosted in the past, I'm simultaneously concerned that no one will come and that there will be too many people. I think the latter is most likely to be the case, but both are still possibilities (at least in my mind).

Despite becoming a vegetarian, I'm going to eat meat a few times in the near future, first at my party. Because I'll no longer be able to get it, I'm gonna eat kangaroo. Frankly, I don't feel bad about eating kangaroo since it's very environmentally friendly. I'm also planning on eating meat on Australia day. My friends are throwing a party which has been labelled "Dan Juola Day", and the plan is to eat buffalo wings, drink American beer, and light fireworks. I know that they've been eager to make buffalo wings, and it's already a holiday. So really, it's more happenstance than anything, but still, it's touching. It's really gonna feel like a 4th of July party and I'm super stoked.

I know I've posted in the past about my concerns regarding the future, but I want to reiterate that they have not been allayed. I'm considering buying a plane ticket back to Australia for next year just to force myself to come back. I just... I just don't want to leave this part of my life behind.

Lastly, I tried to write a retrospective piece on the first day of the year, but it seemed like a small milestone. My yearlong milestone will be upon me soon, so expect a post about that in the near-ish future.

Summer/Winter Travel Plans

12/17/13
It's December, and that means summer. I haven't yet titled this blog post yet, but it will need a title. I'd rather not post "hey mid december!" as my title, but if push comes to shove, that's probably what will happen.

Let's just (and by "let's" I mean, I'm gonna write, and you're gonna read) talk about what I've been up to:
I've been unemployed here for over two months now. Amazingly, I'm not destitute. I'm not rich, that's for damn sure, but I'll survive on what I've got until I have to leave. I've been casually looking for employment, but at this point it's too late. In fact, I'm about two months too late. What I really should have done was start looking for a new job immediately after quitting Foxtel, but I didn't, and now I'm relatively stuck. Frankly though, I'm content with my decision. A little bit of extra cash would have been nice, but I'll get by with what I've currently got, plus my Australian tax rebate, and credit card. I get a distinct impression that what will likely happen is that I'm going to be coming home with a smidge of debt. But with a little luck I'll be able to knock that out swiftly.
What's left for me is what I want to do with my remaining time here. The month is booked pretty solidly, comedically. January specifically. My thought was that I'll leave Melbourne immediately following my last day on my lease, but I have a few gigs afterward, and furthermore Australia Day is on January 26th (it's like Australia's 4th of July), about a week after. While I could obviously celebrate it anywhere in Australia, and my plan was to be in Sydney, but it's really more of a bbq/hang out with friends holiday. I'd really rather be with friends rather than strangers on a day like that. So if that's how my plan goes, I leave Melbourne on the 27th, go to Sydney for a week or so, hit up Queensland for about a week as well, see Uluru (the giant rock I'm obliged to see), and then leave the country. Pushing my departure from Melbourne by a week really cuts into my tourist time, but so be it. Actually, maybe I can go to Uluru and back between when I leave Melbourne and Australia day...  Clearly I have to look into my further plans.

The only thing I know for sure is that I have to leave the country on February 21st. The plan had been to go to SE Asia for a while, then New Zealand, then home, but in part due to my financial situation, and partially because I'd really have to get back earlier, I'm thinking about skipping Asia. I know it's maybe not the right decision, because how long until I come back to this part of the world. I think what I really need to look into is what I can do and how long and how much it costs. I still really want to go skydiving in New Zealand, and want to spend at least a week or two there. I've started to wonder why I want to go to Asia at all. In part, it was because it's so cheap there, and it's a great place to lounge. Drinks are cheap, food is cheap, travel is cheap. But how much do I care about that? It's just another place to spend my remaining money. I honestly think what I've done here is as good or better than that would have been. I find myself having a really great experience going out constantly here. I have friends here. Any night of the week something is going on, and I know I'm welcome. It took some time before it happened, but I really feel home here now. I'm beginning to dread going home. I've also started seeing someone, and it's been nice having companionship. I'd forgotten how much I like simple things like holding hands walking down the street. Sleeping around is alright, but I miss somebody to actually care about. I'm not sure exactly what happens next, since I obviously have to leave here, but for now I'm in a good place. There's obviously plans that I could make, or at least think about, but part of me really doesn't want to. I'd rather let things go how they're going to.

What I think I need to do now is talk to somebody with a bit of information about travelling. I also think I just need to let myself max out my credit card and worry about the consequences later. Sorry Future Dan, but things might suck for you.

Post Festival Life Update, or I'm Tired and This Post is All I Can Manage

Hi readers of this blog (Mom and Dad only, as far as I can tell). The comedy festival just finished last night. I know I should talk about it, but for the life of me, I don't want to. It was an incredible experience. It was comedy every night, both seeing and performing. I met people, and I'm planning a show for next year already. It was one of the best months of my entire life. But it's ended, and I'm exhausted. I missed the Bollywood themed after-party that happened at the Hifi bar last night because for the first time in the entire festival, the bouncers were checking passes to make sure they matched the entrant. Since mine did not match, I did not go in. I'm conflicted about how I feel about it. On the one hand, I missed the last party of the season, which was supposed to be pretty epic, lasting up to 7am. But on the other hand, it was Bollywood themed, and that sucks. Also I'd been going out to the parties practically every night. Regardless, the month is done, and I get to live as human first and comic second now (which I'm very much looking forward to). I will talk about it in more detail (probably), so if you're interested stay tuned.

I start my job tomorrow. I'll be selling tickets for the Comic's Lounge door to door (you know, because I didn't feel like being done talking about comedy). Apparently I can make quite a bit of coin doing so, but my guess is that the work will be a bit grueling. I'm looking forward to income though. I'm getting closer to being desperate (which makes me feel desperate already, which is approximately the state I have felt for the past month and a half). I'm also completely sick of hostels. I thought I would have had an apartment long ago, but evidently the world does not always operate in the way that I would like. I've discovered (well, somebody told me about it) a new avenue to solve my own personal housing crisis. With luck, I'll find something for next week. The room I'm currently staying is not one which I will look back on fondly. It's a 6 bed dorm, and the other occupants are trying as best they can to turn it into a party room. Specifically, there are two Irishman who drink excessive amounts of goon every night (goon is a term used down here for very cheap wine. 4 liter boxed wine for <$10 type wine). I understand that at around 20ish years of age, I was probably not that different than they, but I'm not anymore. My only goal in life is not getting wasted and bangin' cooze. I'd known that my priorities had changed, but my current situation has focused my attention to it.

I've started trying to explore more of the city than just the CBD. I'm in Fitzroy North right now, at a cafe/restaurant called the Tin Pot. I got a salmon baguette sandwich. Delicious. Tasted a lot like a bagel with lox, which I'm totally fine with. Fitzroy reminds me a lot of Uptown. There are a lot of little shops around, and tons of small cafe type places. I'd rather not live too far away from the city, but we'll see what happens. I've walked all the way here, but I may take take the tram back.

When not comedy-ing, I've actually been reading a lot here. I remembered that I got a new Hennepin County Library account before I left, and that I can read any book on my tablet. I'd tried reading on my phone, which is why I signed up for the service a while back, but that sucks ass. Tablet reading is way better. Better to the point of being almost preferable to a physical book. If you haven't tried it, fucking do. It's a great way to read practically any book you want for free.

I think I'm gonna be done writing now. How are y'all doing?

P.S. I've started saying y'all. I'm an American living abroad; no one here thinks it's out of place!

Why Melbourne

I just realized I hadn't yet addressed this question. It struck me as odd. I've explained why many times to many people, and it seems like something I should have addressed here long ago. My stint in Melbourne is reaching the two month mark. It's time.

Two events led me onto the path that I'm on now. The first is the end of an era, and the second is the beginning of a new one.

On a Tuesday in late June of last year, my life changed abruptly. I had been dating Alissa for over 8 years, and we'd lived together for more than 3. There were definite signs that I should have seen that meant she was drifting away, but I didn't. I understand now why she left, but at the time I was thunderstruck. Though the week of extreme ju-wallowing filled with marathons Mad Men and True Blood (classy, I know) and a lot less ice cream as tv and movies led me to believe, ended shortly after and I'm still living in the shadow of that relationship, following me even here (I may touch on that topic at a later date, or I might just tell you to mind your own business, jerk). The most important reason I needed to remove myself from the situation was because Alissa wouldn't. Despite agreeing to my plea to leave for a while, she went to a party the following weekend, and started dating another comic immediately and generally kept coming out to comedy events (shows, the plethora of parties that happen when you live a rock and roll lifestyle yet somehow involves neither rock nor roll, etc). I don't want to come across as petty (despite being incredibly petty), so I won't address my feelings regarding her actions, but I since she wouldn't leave, I knew that I had to. As early as August I knew it I had to go. I also don't want to come across as simply running away from my problems (I probably am (Ok, I totally am), but I don't want you to think that's my sole factor). 8 years attached to another person, considering someone else before making life decisions, colors the way you think about making seismic changes. And at 27 years old, I knew my opportunities to make drastic moves were diminishing.

Immediately after that traumatic event in June, I applied and was hired for my first paid job at a political organization. It was a temporary position at America Votes working with voter data. I really loved that boring work. It both helped me determine a timeline and provided the financial means for me to make my move. The position came with an end date of November 30th. Along with the constraints listed in the last paragraph, the planned termination helped me determine my next actions. The two options real options I had been considering in August had been Austin, TX and Helsinki, Finland. The two had very different purposes: Austin is known as a fantastic stand up scene, and Finland is a far off land I've always wanted to see. Neither, though, fit both of my criteria for what I wanted. Austin felt too close to home, and Finland speaks Finnish, precluding stand up for all but ex-pats, which, totally no thanks. London came to mind when I thought of places that fit both of my needs, but it felt a bit obvious, and I knew it was expensive. The real breakthrough came when late at night I was watching stand up videos on youtube. I was watching Hannibal Burress videos, and one of the suggestion videos was of a set at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Obviously I'm not a headlining comic who could just do the festival, but there's no way a festival can happen if there's not a local appetite for comedy. Figuring that the festival had to be supported by some kind of scene, I instantly made my decision. While I didn't tell anyone for more than a month, the decision was firmly made, and I began planning for it. I researched my best options, including whether I could even move to Australia. After finding the Work-Holiday visa, I thanked my lucky stars that events had played out the way they had and not later in life, because the visa's requirements preclude anyone over the age of 30. 27 isn't skin of your teeth close, but it's not far off either. By mid December, I'd purchased and received my visa, and I would be living in Australia for a year.

I'm not sure it was the best decision of my life (Taco Bell, remember), but if it's not it's damn close.

Coffee and More Melbourne Insights

April 7th, 2013
I have another continuation of my last comedy post in the works, but I'm not in the mood to write about at the moment. This post will probably be just another life post.

Melbourne touts itself as coffee town, and any time a town toots their own horn that much I get pretty skeptical. I've been of that mindset here for a while, but I just had a pretty damn good latte from a 24hr coffee and donut place called "Walker's" off Flinders Street. Flinders is one of the large streets in downtown Melbourne, and the farthest south before you hit the Yarra River (the city doesn't end past the river though. Just south is actually the tallest building in the Southern Hemisphere). They do a peculiar thing in this town that I haven't encountered before, which is that they main artery roads downtown, and between they have small one-ways named after the main roads with "Lt" in front of them (for example, they have Bourke Street and Lt Bourke Street). The Lt is an abbreviation for "Little", but if you know me at all you should know that I take quite a bit of delight in loudly, and in false confusion, calling them "Lieutenant" Streets ("Yeah, we're just crossing Lieutenant Collins Street!").

Anyway, back to the coffee. I also got a Simpsons'eque pink-frosted donut. The frosting was definitely flavored pink as well (I don't know what the pink was; I thought raspberry, but I'm not 100%, could have been strawberry too. Look, just let it be pink flavored). I've been mostly getting 7 Eleven lattes. They're $1, which is exactly in my price range. Before I started drinking them, I just assumed they were like shitty gas-station lattes back home (which I love). To my surprise, they're actually fairly sophisticated machines that make sophisticated coffees and I'm beginning to think this place actually does take their coffee seriously.

I frequently call people back home on account of the ludicrously cheap price it costs to call. But I've been finding it's a really weird experience. I'm generally not one to prattle on about what I'm doing, and I feel odd doing it. When I find myself asking how things are going back home, all I hear is that the world just keeps on spinning. I don't know what I'm expecting from people. Maybe it's not fair to do that. I've noticed in the past that when I get back together with friends I haven't seen in a while it takes a bit of time to get past the what's new in your life phase, and before things return to a normal conversational pace, there's an awkward stage. I mean, how interesting is the minutia of my day really? Is it worth explaining the entire background information of my Australian experience just to get to where I can talk about eating at Pie Face?

As usual, I have a lot to say, but I don't feel up to task of writing it all down and editing it. I've found that if I don't immediately start editing my work I generally don't post it and while the thoughts often find their ways into future posts, their form changes and I end up losing some of the original feeling. It also exhausts me. There's so much to write about. I'm not sure if my purpose for writing has changed either. Originally I thought this was just going to be mostly my musings about the differences between my life back home and my life here. I have some intensely personal things to say that may or may not end up in here. It feels cowardly not to include them, but it's also difficult to put them out publicly. I've decided that these writings will end up in what will essentially a one man show (you know, because I don't have delusions of grandeur...) maybe for the Melbourne Fringe, but likely for next year's festival. And perhaps Minneapolis' Fringe. The festival has me thinking a lot. Ugh, this last paragraph was supposed to be a soft closing paragraph for this post, but I'm leaving many more open questions than closed.

I love donuts! (that's a better close, right?)

P.S. I'm writing in my favorite spot to write in all of Melbourne, and I felt like attaching a picture of my view. Also a picture of Pie Face; it's a fast food restaurant that sells meat pies. Additionally, my post about everything that's been happening in the Festival is coming. It will be a very expansive post and you'll get more context for what's happening and where my thoughts here are coming from.

Australia, Finally

It's happened. I've finally arrived in Australia. As I write this, I'm at a brewery in I think Yarra (a suburb of Melboure, again, I think). In case you're wondering why I'm at a brewery, I barely know myself; there was a guy at a liquor store near the hotel, some drinks were involved, now I'm here sitting in the corner drinking. They have an bar thing every Wednesday and Friday apparently. I hope that makes it less weird. If it makes you feel better, it smells kind of like a farm in here. The brewery is called Goat... I think?

Australia is a weird place. It's a lot dryer in Melbourne than I expected. While I was taking the bus from the airport to the downtown area, it was tan and brown with spots of trees. I don't know what I was expecting, but I guess it wasn't that. Again, I don't know what I was expecting though. It's summer here, and definitely feels like it. Even at the airport it was very summery. I practically forgot how sweat feels. It's still light out and that feels really bizarre in itself. Even if the warm weather isn't too far off from the Vegas and Los Angeles weather, the fact that it's 7pm and still very light outside is fucking with my head.

I feel very foreign here. I'm having a really hard time with the whole "opposite side of the street" thing. And I'm not even driving! I keep almost running into people on the street. Because I needed wifi, I ate at Burger King, but it isn't called Burger King here. It's called Hungry Man or something. I don't know, and it probably doesn't matter. For dinner I'm committed to try something Australian, if not local. They have pizza here at the brewery, and I'm kinda tempted by that. Other than this brewery, my plan for tonight is to go to a comedy show. Trouble is, I don't know where or when the show is. The hotel I'm staying at charges for the wifi per hour, and I completely refuse to pay that. I might as well nurse a coffee or beer for the same price while I'm using the internet.

I'm going to touch on the public transport (ation; the bastards just call it "transport") later, but after getting initially very confused, I found out it's relatively easy. The biggest problem I see is that they don't publish their right way, so it doesn't show up on google maps.

I have a lot more to say, but I have a long time here, so I'll stop for now. Also, I'll add some pictures later; my Blogger app apparently doesn't get along with my Dropbox app.