My June Update

This post was written on June 21st, at about 10pm.

Minutiae in my life keeps happening, and I feel so disconnected. I've been in this country for 4 months now,
and I don't know what I'm doing. Ha. The thought just occurred to me that that's exactly why I'm in this country in the first place. I've been questioning a lot what I want to do with my life. Can I really keep putting things off deciding? I feel like I'm trying to straddle two worlds in my life, and I'm not sure how long I can take it. I've been volunteering for the local MPs office (the district is called Batman!) and good god did I forget how much I enjoy Excel. It's the kind of thing that literally makes me question my comedy. Which, I don't know what's happening with that. I keep writing, and more and more I just hate the kind of comedy writing/performing. They're just fucking jokes. I want to clarify that I'm not saying I think what I've written isn't funny. I genuinely think it is. And shit, I'm constantly being told by other comics that they like it, or that I did a good job. Which is somewhat confounding. Not because I dislike the compliments themselves, but personally feel like I haven't been doing well on stage. I don't quite know what to do. At it's heart, I think it's just that my comedic writing is unfulfilling. It's surface level garbage. That's also not to say that it's dissimilar from my past writing. I feel comedicly (yes, I made it a word) stagnant. I think that it's partially due to nature if the scene here itself. The festival is such a long term goal that it's almost like I'm not working toward anything at all. Back home I knew exactly the direction I wanted to move in. I'd finally moved up from open mic'er to paid (meagerly) emcee. That was a significant step, and I'm certainly glad I achieved that feat before I left. The difference here is what I'm working towards: the festival isn't for another nine months, and as much as the clubs try, this city just doesn't digest its comedy that way. I quit my job with the local club I was working for. Most of the reason was the nature of door to door sales and commission only-ness. But before I did, it gave me a glimpse of greater Melbourne. Except for the people who already knew who we were, it seemed like most people had a notion of what Melbourne comedy is like starts with the festival, and ends not far there off. In fact, I would refer to the club by name in my pitch, but more often than not, if they were relating the pitch to a coworker they'd say "comedy festival" tickets. I'm not saying it's wrong. The festival was one of the greatest experiences of my life, and it is extremely important to me that I be a part of it next year. But but as a goal it's just too abstract to work towards. If you were to ask me upfront if I were a goal oriented person, I highly doubt I'd say I was, but I'll be damned if I'm not. I blame videogames. Achievement unlocked!

I came back to my old worrying stomping grounds tonight at midnight-ish to write. I'd really like to find a decent coffee shop to write in, but I've found it a bit difficult. I find myself missing Cafetto back home. Look, the coffee here is great, but so what. In looking for whatever quality coffee that I can get cup after cup on the cheap, where I can sit for hours if need be. And I'd also like somewhere open until later than 10pm. I don't know how many times I closed down Cafetto back home, but it was certainly more than a few times. I've actually found myself a bit lonely and depressed. I'm not saying that I don't have friends here. Actually scratch that. I don't really have any friends down here. The people I'm closest to are other transients, and the comics I've met are realistically good acquaintances. I have remarkably few people I can call down here. But it's not just that. I don't quite know what do with myself. Especially on weekend nights. I'm writing in part because I have nothing better to do. Back home, there's always the Corner Bar, or Acme, or House of Comedy, or Joke Joint, or any number of other smaller gigs if I don't have one of my own. I don't have that here. There are two clubs and they start earlier and I don't have the freedom of an independent transportation. I really need a bike. What I have been doing is reading a shit-ton of books, which is fulfilling in a way, but generally what I've been reading isn't exceptionally mentally taxing. It's been a series of alternate reality books about American history, and other books intermixed. I finished Jurassic Park this afternoon. It took me a few days to get through, and it was entertaining, but so what. A copy of On the Road fell into my lap. I've started it, but it's different than I expected. I have a lot of reading to do, but I want it to be the things that I've always felt like I should read. We'll see what happens

Coffee and More Melbourne Insights

April 7th, 2013
I have another continuation of my last comedy post in the works, but I'm not in the mood to write about at the moment. This post will probably be just another life post.

Melbourne touts itself as coffee town, and any time a town toots their own horn that much I get pretty skeptical. I've been of that mindset here for a while, but I just had a pretty damn good latte from a 24hr coffee and donut place called "Walker's" off Flinders Street. Flinders is one of the large streets in downtown Melbourne, and the farthest south before you hit the Yarra River (the city doesn't end past the river though. Just south is actually the tallest building in the Southern Hemisphere). They do a peculiar thing in this town that I haven't encountered before, which is that they main artery roads downtown, and between they have small one-ways named after the main roads with "Lt" in front of them (for example, they have Bourke Street and Lt Bourke Street). The Lt is an abbreviation for "Little", but if you know me at all you should know that I take quite a bit of delight in loudly, and in false confusion, calling them "Lieutenant" Streets ("Yeah, we're just crossing Lieutenant Collins Street!").

Anyway, back to the coffee. I also got a Simpsons'eque pink-frosted donut. The frosting was definitely flavored pink as well (I don't know what the pink was; I thought raspberry, but I'm not 100%, could have been strawberry too. Look, just let it be pink flavored). I've been mostly getting 7 Eleven lattes. They're $1, which is exactly in my price range. Before I started drinking them, I just assumed they were like shitty gas-station lattes back home (which I love). To my surprise, they're actually fairly sophisticated machines that make sophisticated coffees and I'm beginning to think this place actually does take their coffee seriously.

I frequently call people back home on account of the ludicrously cheap price it costs to call. But I've been finding it's a really weird experience. I'm generally not one to prattle on about what I'm doing, and I feel odd doing it. When I find myself asking how things are going back home, all I hear is that the world just keeps on spinning. I don't know what I'm expecting from people. Maybe it's not fair to do that. I've noticed in the past that when I get back together with friends I haven't seen in a while it takes a bit of time to get past the what's new in your life phase, and before things return to a normal conversational pace, there's an awkward stage. I mean, how interesting is the minutia of my day really? Is it worth explaining the entire background information of my Australian experience just to get to where I can talk about eating at Pie Face?

As usual, I have a lot to say, but I don't feel up to task of writing it all down and editing it. I've found that if I don't immediately start editing my work I generally don't post it and while the thoughts often find their ways into future posts, their form changes and I end up losing some of the original feeling. It also exhausts me. There's so much to write about. I'm not sure if my purpose for writing has changed either. Originally I thought this was just going to be mostly my musings about the differences between my life back home and my life here. I have some intensely personal things to say that may or may not end up in here. It feels cowardly not to include them, but it's also difficult to put them out publicly. I've decided that these writings will end up in what will essentially a one man show (you know, because I don't have delusions of grandeur...) maybe for the Melbourne Fringe, but likely for next year's festival. And perhaps Minneapolis' Fringe. The festival has me thinking a lot. Ugh, this last paragraph was supposed to be a soft closing paragraph for this post, but I'm leaving many more open questions than closed.

I love donuts! (that's a better close, right?)

P.S. I'm writing in my favorite spot to write in all of Melbourne, and I felt like attaching a picture of my view. Also a picture of Pie Face; it's a fast food restaurant that sells meat pies. Additionally, my post about everything that's been happening in the Festival is coming. It will be a very expansive post and you'll get more context for what's happening and where my thoughts here are coming from.