Impending Unknowns

I've been posting a lot lately. Well, writing a lot at least; I still have yet to post several that are already written but I didn't have internet at the time and forgot. I'll post them pretty soon.

What's going on for me now is an impending sadness. I have less than a month left in Melbourne and I don't know what to do with myself. I wrote on Facebook yesterday that I remembered produce is going to be sold by the pound instead of kilo and it was a huge revelation. There is going to be so much that's different. I'm scared and anxious. It's like I'm abandoning a part of my life that I've really come to appreciate. My move here wasn't like that; when I left the US I left something that I'd always had. Here, it's something I've found. My experience in Melbourne has been like a romantic relationship. At first it was new and exciting, then there were some ups and downs, and I became really sick of it. But now I'm past that. Melbourne is like someone with whom I've created a history, and now I have to break up with her. It's heart wrenching. Months ago I thought I wasn't too fond of her, but now it's like I can't think of a life without her. All of these truths that I've been putting off are growing, and it's at the point where I can't look away. I'm leaving Australia, against my will. The goal when I started out was to live here a year, get the experience, and go home back to essentially the life I had when I left. My plan was to get a political job for the upcoming election and keep plugging away at comedy, especially after election season. Now, it's like I don't know what I want anymore. It was a fairly brash decision that brought me here, and I can't really believe I made it. It's a horrible cliche, but I came to take a piece of Australia home with me, but Australia is keeping a part of me.

I'd like to think I'll be back, but I just don't know. I keep saying I'll be back for the 2015 MICF, but even that worries me. That's so far in the future; what if everything is different? What if I find somebody and settle down or something? What if I just can't take it any longer in the comedy world? What if I quit? What if when I come home I fall as far out of love with Melbourne as I did in love over the course of a year? I don't like these unknowns. I have friends here, a network, and a lifestyle. I don't know what happens next and I don't like being in the dark.

Sometimes I Just Feel Like Writing

12:30pm, 12/23/13
I'm at a neighborhood coffee shop/cafe. Realistically, it's more cafe than coffee shop, but there's waitstaff, which is atypical. The place is quaint, lots of wood and white paint. It's cloudy and drizzling, that kind of rain that it's not quite worth opening an umbrella, but enough that it's visible and your can feel it.

I don't have a specific reason for writing beyond just a feeling that I should. I can't shake the feeling that none of these posts accurately capture my life in its entirety, but each is just a portion. And that I'm a super huge wanker for trying to get philosophical.

I'm getting scared of what happens next. I only have just over a month left living in this city, I don't know what happens next. It's that fucking unknown that's bothering me. Not that it's all unknown; I know what life as a backpacker is like. I also know that I prefer life living in a house, and having a space of my own. Beyond the obvious interim period, I've actually been thinking a lot about what I want to happen when I get home. I'm not 100% sure what I'm going to do for a job when I get back, but I'm getting scared that comedy and politics are finally intersecting. What I'm alluding to is the Minnesota Fringe Festival that happens in early August, which is prime time for election season. In other words, if I do one, I necessarily cannot do the other. While it's the Fringe is definitely not a mandatory event, it's something that I have been planning on attempting as an approximation for the Melbourne Comedy Festival. I'm actually planning on applying for the Minnesota Fringe, since entry is granted via lottery in February. Really, I just don't want the preparation for the MICF to be a compete waste. But if I get a campaign job, that's what takes precedence.

That's not to imply that my time in Australia has been a waste, even comedically. I maintain that moving to Melbourne was one of the best (if not the outright best) decisions I've ever made. I think about what brought me here, and what I've accomplished. Clearly it's not the kind of a achievement that wins accolades; people move internationally all the time. What I'm really proud of is moving to a new country, making my way, meeting new people, and overall growing as a human being.

Summer/Winter Travel Plans

12/17/13
It's December, and that means summer. I haven't yet titled this blog post yet, but it will need a title. I'd rather not post "hey mid december!" as my title, but if push comes to shove, that's probably what will happen.

Let's just (and by "let's" I mean, I'm gonna write, and you're gonna read) talk about what I've been up to:
I've been unemployed here for over two months now. Amazingly, I'm not destitute. I'm not rich, that's for damn sure, but I'll survive on what I've got until I have to leave. I've been casually looking for employment, but at this point it's too late. In fact, I'm about two months too late. What I really should have done was start looking for a new job immediately after quitting Foxtel, but I didn't, and now I'm relatively stuck. Frankly though, I'm content with my decision. A little bit of extra cash would have been nice, but I'll get by with what I've currently got, plus my Australian tax rebate, and credit card. I get a distinct impression that what will likely happen is that I'm going to be coming home with a smidge of debt. But with a little luck I'll be able to knock that out swiftly.
What's left for me is what I want to do with my remaining time here. The month is booked pretty solidly, comedically. January specifically. My thought was that I'll leave Melbourne immediately following my last day on my lease, but I have a few gigs afterward, and furthermore Australia Day is on January 26th (it's like Australia's 4th of July), about a week after. While I could obviously celebrate it anywhere in Australia, and my plan was to be in Sydney, but it's really more of a bbq/hang out with friends holiday. I'd really rather be with friends rather than strangers on a day like that. So if that's how my plan goes, I leave Melbourne on the 27th, go to Sydney for a week or so, hit up Queensland for about a week as well, see Uluru (the giant rock I'm obliged to see), and then leave the country. Pushing my departure from Melbourne by a week really cuts into my tourist time, but so be it. Actually, maybe I can go to Uluru and back between when I leave Melbourne and Australia day...  Clearly I have to look into my further plans.

The only thing I know for sure is that I have to leave the country on February 21st. The plan had been to go to SE Asia for a while, then New Zealand, then home, but in part due to my financial situation, and partially because I'd really have to get back earlier, I'm thinking about skipping Asia. I know it's maybe not the right decision, because how long until I come back to this part of the world. I think what I really need to look into is what I can do and how long and how much it costs. I still really want to go skydiving in New Zealand, and want to spend at least a week or two there. I've started to wonder why I want to go to Asia at all. In part, it was because it's so cheap there, and it's a great place to lounge. Drinks are cheap, food is cheap, travel is cheap. But how much do I care about that? It's just another place to spend my remaining money. I honestly think what I've done here is as good or better than that would have been. I find myself having a really great experience going out constantly here. I have friends here. Any night of the week something is going on, and I know I'm welcome. It took some time before it happened, but I really feel home here now. I'm beginning to dread going home. I've also started seeing someone, and it's been nice having companionship. I'd forgotten how much I like simple things like holding hands walking down the street. Sleeping around is alright, but I miss somebody to actually care about. I'm not sure exactly what happens next, since I obviously have to leave here, but for now I'm in a good place. There's obviously plans that I could make, or at least think about, but part of me really doesn't want to. I'd rather let things go how they're going to.

What I think I need to do now is talk to somebody with a bit of information about travelling. I also think I just need to let myself max out my credit card and worry about the consequences later. Sorry Future Dan, but things might suck for you.

So, Where Do We Go From Here?

Let's just jump in.

I decided against doing the comedy festival. It was becoming stressful, and really, I'm beginning to feel the itch to leave Melbourne. I'll be here until at least mid January, but I think what happens after that is I explore Australia for a bit, leave when my via expires, travel around this side of the pacific a little, then head home. I didn't take the decision to decline the festival lightly, but what it would mean is that I have to stay put for half a year, and I'm just prepared to do that. There was also a concern regarding the visa situation, and I'd rather not get burned. I think it's just best to let it go, maybe try again in a year or so, get a producer and apply super early. Melbourne's been good to me. I've enjoyed my time here, but barring some significant wrinkle, it's time to wind it down. I've a few pretty great gigs lined up for before I leave. I'm also gonna be here for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and probably New Years. I've also grown a lot. I know I'll have a big retrospective when I'm closer to leaving, s expect that in a few weeks.
I'm not sure what will happen with this blog when I leave. I mean the title will become a bit of a misnomer. I haven't been Ju-wallowing for months now, so when I leave Australia it'll be completely wrong.

Back to the present though, I do need to get a job for a while. A few weeks at least. Maybe it's not wise to broadcast my plans case potential employers read this blog, but I doubt anywhere I will apply gives too big a shit. I just need to pay rent, have a couple grand to travel. I know I'll be getting some money back, and I can sustain myself on credit for a while, but I'd like to avoid it if possible. The problem with jobs though, is they suck. Don't get me wrong, I'm getting bored of not doing anything. I feel guilty just reading when it's so nice out, and it seems like all I do is go out and drink. While fun, it's really no way to live. It gets sad. I watched the entire sixth season of Mad Men while nursing a hangover. While I really enjoyed it, I couldn't shake the feeling of futility; what's the point? I'm in Australia, but I'm just hiding away inside. I haven't written a decent joke in months, and I know it's because I'm not having interactions with strangers I normally wouldn't talk to. It's time to make a change.

Springtime for Danzorz

It's tough to know what to write about. Lot's of things go on in my life, and it's hard to know which are actually relevant. I guess I'll start with comedy:
I got into the Festival. That's actually really important news, and I'm super psyched. But also at the same time, it freaks me out badly. I'll be producing a show (self producing is still technically producing), which I've never done before. I still have to rent (they called renting "hiring" here. It's fucking goofy) a venue, come up with a title, verify visa details, and take a set of photos for the show's theme within the next 3 weeks. Oh, and beyond that, I need to write about another 15 minutes. I'm not so much worried about the comedy; I know it's mostly all there, and what isn't will come within the next 5 months. I still don't have a title yet. I've been considering something dumb like "Dan Juola Conquers Melbourne" and then take photos of me pretending to take over places American military style with lot's of spectators ridiculing. But I'm also considering being more genuine, like "Becoming Melbourne" and have a description of everything that I've been through to get to where I am, and how I feel like a Melbournian. It's less gimmicky, and there's more honesty in that title. The way I've been organizing the show is by just putting together all the bits I've been working on written on post it notes, and arranged on my wall. I've attached a picture of the process, which is neato torpedo!

Being here is certainly weird. I knew I wanted to move, but I didn't know if it was going to be permanent. Now here I am with inroads, and friends. I very much miss Minneapolis, but Melbourne has become to feel like home. I'm sure I'd leave if I had the option to stay. Melbourne is definitely will always be a home away from home now. I can't imagine this being my last Melbourne Festival.

I'm not looking forward to the extreme heat that's coming. Spring has brought variable weather, which I'm fine with. Melbournians winge quite often. I don't worry too much about it. I went to the beach yesterday. City beaches tend to suck, and while they're better than any of the oceanic beaches of Minneapolis ("Oh I see what you did there"), they still kinda suck. I'm going to have to get a job soon in order to do the festival, but I really want to travel. I may have to postpone my trips around the country due to cash. Ideally, I could get a halfway decent bar job during the day that paid under the table, but that's probably too much to ask for. Realistically, I'll just go to Melbourne Central and hand out my resume to everywhere I would even remotely consider working. I think if I work until January or February and I can get by. As long as I can get about a grand a month I can live off what I've got. I know I'll be getting tax and super annuation (mandatory retirement fund, paid by employers), so that will set me up for when I get back to the States.

I think I should include more than just scratch the surface of my life bullshit in this post. Part of why I don't write often is that I know it's just "these are random events in my life blah blah blah" that I find utterly dry and unuseful, which is apparently not a word. This sabbatical has entailed a lot of soul searching that I did not fully expect. Well, it's not that I didn't expect it, it's that it manifests in ways that are unexpected. On election day a couple of months back, I had a hard night of drinking, took a cab home, passed out, and woke up to see that I'd thrown up during the night, but hadn't woken up (gross). The first thought I had was christ that's gross I need to clean that up. But as I got to thinking about it, the more disturbed I became. That's the kind of thing that people die from. Hell, I've know people who've died that way. I could have died. While I haven't stopped drinking, it's definitely been a wake up call (which is ironic, because I didn't wake up to throw up (gross)). I mean, I've already been concerned with mortality lately, and that kind of event stares you right in your fucking face. The invincibility was a myth.

Something tells me that that last paragraph contains a very funny, very dark joke.

6 Months

So, if you read my last post, I'm totally a wanker (pronounced "wanka", I believe...). I've been in this country 6 months exactly now. I don't know what I really want to write, but for some reason I feel like commemorating this milestone. It's a bit weird to get excited about. I mean, it's no small achievement for me to have left, but I didn't celebrate that milestone. I left on February 5th; August 5th came and went and I didn't even notice. Maybe it's the fact that leaving your home isn't as big a deal. I don't know. Oh, by the way, it's 9(ish) on the morning of 8/22. I work today, but not for another 4 hours. I like how I wrote that in case you were worried about me (that's right, you! The reader! 4th wall consider yourself officially busted!).
I'm beginning to feel the effects of homesickness. There are things that I just miss. I see summer going on back home and feel like I'm missing out. That's not to say that I'm not having incredible experiences here, but it does mean that I see everything on facebook and can't help feeling lonely. I know that I use this place to mope, and I am sorry for that (not really). Let's try to keep upbeat.

I'd originally had this grand scheme idea for what I wanted to post today. I'd thought that I wanted to write a list of things that I miss about home on my 6th month anniversary, one thing for every letter (I know, still a wanker), but now that I'm here it feels too depressing (and also douchy). I'm not going home soon, and I'm ok with that. I think what happens now instead is what I'd originally planned for the end of my tenure here- a non-alphabetical list of things that I really love here:

*REMOVED*

Ok, just made that horrible list and immediately regret it. And scratch that last sentence, I deleted the horrible list. Turns out I mostly like food. I guess it's mostly food that I really like?
I still have a lot of this country to see. I was talking at work about how similar this country is to my own, and my international co-workers asked how much I'd been out of Melbourne. Not much is the answer. The thought has been that I'll use the money I save here to travel back through Asia and Europe, but maybe I need to use it to travel Australia. I still want to learn how to surf. I know I can do that here in the summer, but that doesn't negate the fact that I need to go to other parts of the country. For fuck's sake I haven't even seen Sydney yet. NOR A KANGAROO! But I can't. I have to remain here to finish up the job here. It's only about 2 and half more months.

I have been doing Australia things though. I went to a footy (Aussie Football) game last weekend. The Richmond vs Carlton game. The weird thing about footy is that it's mostly a Melbourne game, and most of the teams are in the Melbourne area so people just pick a team. That's not to say that people switch. Once you have a team you have a fucking team. Mine is Richmond; Richmond was the first place I stayed in Australia when all the hostels were full. That seemed like a fitting reason to me. Anyway, I bought a team scarf, which is what people do when they support a team apparently. Richmond lost, but it was fun to go. They sell pies (meat pies) for like 4 bucks, which at a stadium is pretty fucking good. Also, $21 to get in is pretty reasonable. I may go to another game, but we'll see. The season ends in about a month.

Not probably the most interesting note to leave on. Sorry. I recognize that I don't usually end these posts gracefully. I think I'm going to go up to the tallest place in Melbourne today. I'll post a picture of it.

Mid August and This is the Best Title I Could Think Of

It's been quite a while since I posted anything on here. If you've been wondering if something has happened to me, the answer is not really. I'm still at the call center job; I'm still in the house; I'm still Ju-wallowing here down under (I BET YOU GUYS THOUGH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT, BUT I TOTALLY DIDN'T!!!). Actually, as of Thursday (uh, I think?) I will have been in Australia for 6 months exactly. Come to think of it, I was (mostly) planning on writing on that day, but since I feel like writing now, saving writing until then just seems a bit wanky. Which is a word I definitely would never have used back home. It's been a bit of a concern of mine, the whole foreign phrase thing. I've started using "mate" quite frequently. That one I'm alright with, but it's sneaky the way it slips into my vernacular. I catch myself saying shit as an adjective (rather than "shitty") a lot more often than I'd like. I don't like it. Maybe it's not so bad, but I certainly feel like that douchebag who comes back from abroad and won't shut the fuck up about it.

Actually, that last part I struggle with a fair bit. I don't know how to talk to friends/family about my trip. I'm very self-conscious about trying not to make an entirely one-sided conversation, and discussing my life here a very easy topic to ramble on about. I'm not sure how this is supposed to go. I mean, my life has been so drastically different, and sometimes the static world just keeps going in the same direction. I honestly don't mean to be a jackass. Sorry if I suck at talking about it is what I guess I'm getting at.

I want to mention that I have been writing, but I haven't been thrilled with what I've been writing. I may post what I've written, but there's a decent chance I won't. At least not for now. I tried free writing and didn't like what came out. Not because it wasn't honest, but because it was. This blog reflects what my soul in a lot of ways and I try to be open, but some doors are better left closed. At least publicly. Suffice to say that my past still haunts me more than I'd like. Let's go back to my job though.

Foxtel is fine. I'm just shy of about halfway done with my tenure. For a terrible job, it's actually quite good. Well, not the job itself, but the fringe benefits. The people on my team are great, and I don't think it would be as bearable. We're a ragtag group of (mostly) expats. We've all gone out drinking quite a few times. And not just happy hour, one or two drinks kind of drinking. Like "I missed my tram stop because well past tipsy" kind of drunk. It's quite nice to have normal people who I can just go out drinking with. I even went up to the mountains over my birthday with one of my coworkers. Which was actually quite an experience. AH fuck, I realize that the trip was actually quite worth chronicling, but I don't have the stamina for it now. I promise it'll come.

The other significant benefit of working at Foxtel is all the material I've been getting. It's a few months in and I have a series of jokes that are entirely from the experience, plus the ability to adapt others to the situation.

The comedy situation is moving in a positive direct in general. I like the think that I've got 20-25 minutes out of my experience in Australia, but realistically it's probably more like 15. Nothing to sneeze at, but definitely shy of the hour that I need before April. I know that the full hour won't be based entirely on Australian written jokes, but the more I can get out of it the better. I have to put some significant time in arrangement currently. The Post-It Notes will help (I bought Post-It Notes btw. I don't remember if I mentioned that in previous posts or not...). I know I'll get where I need to be by then. I'm also thinking about trying to get it into the Twin Cities Fringe next year and do the hour, fresh off my hour of MICF. Who's to say if that plan will ever come to fruition, but for now it's something I'm definitely thinking about.

Ok, I'm mentally crashing. It's time to stop writing. Sorry guys, I'll have to update you on my riveting life later.

New Life Implications

Editor's note: I wrote a post about a week and a half ago that I have yet to edit, but this post will go up before that because I'M GONNA POST IT ON THE FLY! I mean, I'll give it the once over, but I want the other one to reflect the actual time I put into writing it.
Additional editor note: I'm sorry I don't write more. Don't worry, I feel shitty about it too. I've decided I can't write at home, but I'm going to make an extra effort from now on.

HEY!
What a terrible opening. Ugh. Regardless, I've decided my current life situation needed some chronicling, despite it's probable pointlessness. I've started a new job lately. Last week, specifically. It's a call center job for the cable company in town. Think Comcast, or if you're an Australian reader, it's THE ONLY ONE. It's a job, and it's paying me money. A relatively large amount of money actually. I'm the first line of defense for a shitty multi-national conglomerate. Fucking hooray. I want to point out that I am not ashamed of the job I'm doing, but the fact that I'm doing in brings me down. This is the first job since the liquor store that is completely unrelated to either of my professional paths. And I liked the liquor store job. This, well, I like the money. Wait, not even the money (ok, not true I love money), but what it can do for me. The job is contracted out until November, so it's temporary, and I shouldn't have to work for the rest of my tenure in this country.

Fuck that previous paragraph. A lot goes into these posts from me, I'm getting to the point where I'm willing to share more about the process. I don't know exactly how I feel about my job, other than negatively. Everything else I've done feels like progress towards my ultimate goals. This, though... this doesn't. I'm doing this for the money and that's it. It's that spinning wheels feeling that I don't like. I felt it deeply when I started. It's faded a bit in the past week and a half. I'm trying desperately not to say that this job is beneath me, but I'm struggling not to. What a horrible sentiment. If I can't avoid the fact that I think it's below me, then I why am I doing it? It's not just the compromise of my ethos, either. It's the kind of corporate bullshit job that I've been trying to avoid in my life. And beyond that, I'm not working towards my true passions (which is perhaps the douchiest way of putting it). Fuck. Does finding myself mean wading through a small life of boring meaninglessness? I watched Fight Club the other day (incidentally, the day I bought my ikea bed), and the mention a lot searching for rock bottom. It struck a nerve for me. Is that what I'm looking for? I don't think I am, but I am looking to rebuild my life from the ground up. What I do know is that this job is not what I want to do permanently, but it may illuminate what I really want.

What I'm thinking about doing is using what I make from this job and putting it toward traveling through the world on my way back to the US. A friend told me about a gig in China that I could do to help me get to the mainland, and thie

WHAT A STUPID AND MEANINGLESS POST THIS IS!

What's really happening is that I'm working at a call center, and I really hated it at first, but I'm starting to like it. Which I fucking despise myself for. THIS ISN'T WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. I know that It's not actually what I want to do, and that when I actually get on the phones I'll probably, hopefully, hate it. I know that the money is the most important part for me. I know that. But there are benefits to working at just a boring, mindless job, and I don't like seeing them. I talk to people there who've been working there for years, and I don't know how to feel. I don't want to end up like that. I look down on them (yes, I'm aware I'm terrible person) because I fear I could end up in that situation. I need purpose and helping people with their fucking cable bill just doesn't cut it. How will this job help me avoid another job like this job when it ends? I'm afraid I'll end up like one of those people who loves comedy, but ends up quitting because it's too much effort to go out to the open mic after work. I'm worried that I'll find some worthless job and get comfortable instead of going out and volunteering to get a new spot on a political campaign! This is probably just irrational shit. I admit that, but these are deep seeded worries that I have. I know that both are things that I like, but if I'm at this job, do I really love them? Maybe I don't? I think I do, but maybe I'm just leading myself down paths that will ultimately leave me completely miserable. I know what a comedian lifestyle can do. I've seen it. I know what it can mean to work in politics. Yes, they're both fulfilling, but that fulfillment is professional, and I worry personal fulfillment won't be attached.

Ah fuck. I just realized where all of these feelings are coming from.
I turn 28 this month. It's my golden birthday. That means not much for most people, but for me it actually means quite a bit. I remember as a kid thinking how old 28 was, and how it was so far off. It's not any more. It's how old I am essentially right now. It's that whole mortality bullshit.
But it's not just that. It's looking at my life right now, and what I'm doing. This new job is not what I want to do, yet I'm doing it.

There's more though, and it's something I don't like addressing.
Alissa left me just over a year ago. It doesn't sit well. I'm still not in a place that I thought I would be now. Will I ever be? The front of my head, yes; yes of course I will, and it's quite adament. But fucking damnit, the back of my head and my heart are both screaming no. I don't like to be this vulnerable, but I want to admit to myself that I'm lonely, and I worry that I will be forever. It's a pathetic place to be, and I don't like the implications. These are normal reactions, but I don't like to think that I succumb to such average pains. I should be above these kinds of worries. But, again, I'm not. Instead I'm in Australia wallowing and whining about all the terrible things in my life.

This journey has had several different stretches, and I'm recognize that I recently changed into a new one. I don't know exactly when, but it happened. I know that it wasn't caused by my new job, but maybe from the preceding unemployment stretch before it. What's important, though, is how I know it: it no longer completely stuns me when I think of where I am. Up until now, I've had moments when I remembered that I was halfway across the world and my mind would be re-blown. Not any more. Now I think about it and am largely unaffected. It felt like a scene in a movie where all of a sudden the character is on the Great Wall China, and they backtrack to how he got there. It was abrupt, and it was fucking different. Not any more. I see what has happened, and my past is reattached to my present, albeit with holes.

There are some more serious implications that I'm taking away, but I don't think I can expound much more tonight. Expect a post some time in the future about my worry about what awaits me when I return to Minnesota, but I've been writing for the past hour and a half and that Pandora's Box can wait for another day.

Movement: Consequences

This next post was taken from the last because it became too long. Additionally, I wanted to outline how the move affected me as a human rather than just describe my new situation. Also of note is that this post is much more introspective (and interesting), but more taxing on me personally. It is with effort that I continue with this post so closely on the heels of the last.

One thing that moving into a house means is that I've moved out of the hostels. There's a lot of reasons to get out of the hostel life, and rest assured, I'm quite thrilled. When one lives in the hostels, there's a definite sense of temporarity both in your living arrangement, and you in the people you know. There's a constant sense that everyone you know will be leaving and a new group of people will come through. It's a an odd situation with its own perks and pitfalls. You can change who you want to be within the span of a few weeks, but I have very few non-temporary friends from the hostels; I'd gone through about 4 solid groups of a friends while there. Its easy to get lonely. I want to point out that it's not that I couldn't have been better friends with them; it's just that lives are in motion. Beyond the human factor of not having a recurring group of people in your life, there's also the actual physical space that's in flux. The constant struggle of renewing a room, or changing hostels, or not knowing what to expect from the people who sleep literally less than 5ft away from your head. It's surprising how easily it is to adapt though, and to find comfort in the situation. Sure, I (and many people, if not most) complained about the situation, but there's a sense of freedom to it as well. Especially being on the older end of the spectrum there. I met a woman there (I have ambivalence toward how I want to title her: I find "girl" to be somewhat outmoded a term for a female beyond the age of about 22, but "woman" sounds particularly formal for someone it a situation such as this. Know that I use the term "woman" uncomfortably) who completely embraced the hostel's temporarity. In England she'd recently had landlord issues, and like the idea of being able to just pick up and go with no real barriers. When I moved down here, I didn't want that kind of lifestyle, but having experienced it by proxy, it's something that I am envious of. And while the move to a grounded environment is a symptom of the overall situation brought by a need to stay in the Melbourne comedy scene, it nonetheless feels limiting. I can't just up and leave for Sydney or Perth or Thailand. For better or worse, I live in Melbourne.

In that vein of thinking, this move has been a lot scarier than my move to Australia. It's a completely new stage in my "adventure" down here. I now have rent, bills. A more permanent life. This trip up to this point has felt very much life a vacation. This move changes that. I mean, I obviously realize that I'm still away from home (although sometimes I forget even that. It's a novel concept every time I think about it), but this is the semblance of a real life. It is my life and it is real. I went grocery shopping shortly after moving in. Know that the store I went to was a familiar store (ok, not the particular store, but the chain or stores- Coles), but being in there, I was close to having a panic attack. I want to point out that panic attacks are not a regular occurrence for me. The concept of leaving everyone I know finally caught up with me.

I've found that I miss weird things. I realized I missed Grumpy's a few weeks back. Grumpy's has never even really been a venue I particularly liked. I think it's more a symptom of loneliness here, and a longing for close friends. Those kinds of connections are developing here, and I'm grateful for that, but I still miss what I've left behind. Which in and of itself is a new experience down here. This loneliness has apparently been building, because up until the last few weeks I was happy on my cavalier little way. I have openly boasted about the fact that what I miss most of all is Taco Bell. I don't want to say that sentiment is gone; it isn't. What I'm alluding to is that the intangibles are developing into expressible feelings. Taco Bell is me missing small comforts of America. It's concrete and easy to pin down. This new feeling is more difficult to expound.

I want to point out that this post dives into nuances of my psyche. I am not in any worried state. The precedent feelings are being drawn out of an overall high spirited temperament, and are still only a glimpse of the entire picture. Additionally the word "consequences" is not used for the negative connotations that are often asserted with it.

Movement: Superficial Update

It's 8:10 on Monday the 13th of May

Wait, it's Friday, 17th at 10am
Ok, Take 3: It's Sunday, May 19th.

It's been a really long time since I last posted, and I'm sorry about that. A lot has happened in the last two three weeks and I've been a bit busy, so lemme give you the update.

--Having finished writing this post, it's too long. This post has been renamed to recognize that it is a surface level update. An additional post will reflect on the underlying effects my move has wrought.

I've finally moved into a house. It isn't exactly what I wanted, but it's going to work out pretty well. My intent was to live as close the CBD as possible, but I ended up moving to Northcote, about 5km from the city itself, but there are several trams to the city in walking distance, as well as a train stop. It reminds me of the house I had in south Minneapolis on the Hiawatha line. In fact, I looked it up and it's almost exactly the same distance from downtown. But unlike the house in south Mpls, this house is saddled between two hip streets, each about a half km away. It's a very nice place. We have a bit of a front yard with a little porch, and a backyard with a grill and laundry lines (laundry lines? is that a thing?). I want to make this note right here and now- laundry in this household is a completely new experience for me in a couple ways. For one, I've never had free laundry anywhere I've lived but with my parents. Sure, there has been a laundry room, but it's all cost money (except, ironically, the house most similar to this one, where there was no laundry equipment). It's quite nice actually. Also, there is no dryer. Not having a dryer was completely backwards to me. That doesn't happen in Minnesota. It's kind of out of the question if it's January and you have wet clothes; they'll freeze outside.

I also want y'all to know that I can now make espresso and all the drinks therein. My flatmate (that's a more accurate term here. There are people who actually share rooms (ew), thus making them roommates) Pete has an espresso machine, and I've decided I'm going to master it. In fact, I'm drinking a latte that I made myself right now. I'm not a big coffee drinker back home, but here, when I can make espresso myself, I really enjoy it. Beyond the laundry and coffee perks, this place is pretty great for me. I have my own room with an adjacent bathroom that I have practically to myself. Realistically, the only instance wherein my bathroom gets used beyond me is if I have a guest (ladies ;) hello!) or if we're having a party. While my flatmates are a bit older than I am (not significantly so (uh, I don't think...)), they're young at heart, and I expect parties to be infrequent, but not unheard of.

I'm still in need a bed, but expect to get one this weekend. I've gone to Ikea several times scoping out things I need. I've decided on a "sofa-bed" that is relatively cheap, and I think will be easier to unload when I leave. While a bed is only wanted by someone who needs a bed, a sofa-bed will draw interest from people who want either a bed or a sofa (or so my oft faulty logic goes). Depending how my financial situation pans out, I may get a TV as well. I'd like to be able to have my computer and/or tablet hooked up to watch movies (or shit maybe I can even read from it if I set up my tablet right. Weird). The problem is that my financial situation may not pan out like I'd originally hoped. It is difficult work, if not particularly time consuming. And coming entirely from the commission, it stresses me out quite a bit. I have a meeting tomorrow with the office of the MP from Batman (yes, it's a place, and there's a park of the same name near here! Check the pics!). We'll see how it pans out.

Totally a real place. By my house.

I had been holding onto this box of macaroni and cheese since Los Angeles. I was waiting until I moved into a house with a proper kitchen. Serious, I declared this at the airport... the customs guy looked at me like I was an idiot. Because I was. Also, I made it with shredded cheese, salsa, and Spam: Danzorz America Style. 

My house, from the outside.

Yeah, no furniture yet. Also messy.

The view of the city not far from my house.

Comedy in Melbourne: Arrival

April 3rd, 2013
This post is a long time coming. The only reason I've been putting it off is because there's a lot to tell. It's actually been the highlight of my experience down here. For this post, I'll start from relatively the beginning.

When I landed about 6 weeks ago, my goal was to immediately find the first club I could find and see a show. I ended up going to Last Laugh Comedy Club in Melbourne's CBD (downtown). It was a good show, and definitely a learning experience. My intention had been to talk to the MC and find out how the comedy scene in Melbourne. What I found was that the structure of shows in Australia is a different than Minneapolis. The hierarchy of the show is different, and the MC was way above my level. I talked to him anyway, but found that his knowledge of the open mics was less helpful. I ended up checking out the shows he recommended, but it was clear that the shows were a bit out of my league as someone starting over. Had I just been visiting, I probably could have BS'd my way on, but knowing that I'm in it for the long haul I decided not to push my luck.

I ended up finding an open mic/showcase run a block from my hostel (I don't remember how I found it. It very well could have been through the venues I went to, but it also could have been from the hostel itself. I just don't remember). Comedy-oke it's called. I was actually quite thrilled to find it for multiple reasons; for one, it was a venue I could definitely get on, but secondly and more importantly, I fucking love karaoke. Since shows here are all booked in advance, it took a week before I got on the stage. At this point I had only done about 3 sets in the past month, jesus christ did I have the itch. When I finally took the stage, a very weird experience. The gig is called Comedy-oke, and it's at a bar in adjacent to a hostel (Melbourne International Backpackers, or MIB for short), meaning it's full of international backpackers who often don't speak English natively. Additionally, I packed the place with the menagerie of people I had met at my hostel. As such, while it was definitely good to get on stage, it still hurts when your good jokes back home die in front of your eyes. It's also a lesson that I can't seem to make myself learn. For example, no matter how much I try, I can't make my Man-kiss joke work at all. I do feel like I'm evolving as a comic, and there are a lot of opportunities here that are not back home.

This is an adequate back-story for my continued comedic exploits in Australia, and another post will follow this one relatively soon (I say relatively because relative to the last time I posted, it will actually happen within the next few days).

P.S. I STILL MISS TACO BELL AND PANDORA IS STILL TAUNTING ME WITH DORITO'S LOCOS COOL RANCH TACOS! WHY KEVIN LOVE, WHY?! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!

My Life is Actually Less Sad Than This Post

March 28th, 2013

Look, it's been a really long time since I last posted and I'm sorry for that (I'm not). I'm probably going to combine a few posts I've got half written, so this may be a long one. Or it may not; I may split them up after writing.

I've been in Australia for over a month now. I'm still living in Discovery Hostel. I don't recall exactly what I've said about Discovery in the past, but I'm not thrilled with this place. That's not fair. I'm not thrilled with how my life here has progressed. It's not Discovery, it's that I'm still jobless and unwilling to get an apartment without a job that can sustain it. I figured that by now I would have had a job, or at least something to do during the day. One thing I've learned about myself in the past is that the less I'm doing, the less likely I am to do more. If I have endless free time, it remains just that, free time. I've gone through cycles like this one in my life a few times before and I know that I have to be proactive about making myself occupied. Sure, being free to do whatever I want is quite enjoyable, and it's allowed me to be very carefree, but it comes at a cost. I'm not sure if I've ever actually been depressed before, but I can tell you the times in my life when I had nothing to get up for weren't pleasant.

What's really stunning to me is that I've been in Australia for more than a month, and I'd spent two weeks on the west coast in the US before I came, putting me at a grand total of more than 6 weeks away from home. I've never been away for so long. The longest I've ever been out of Minnesota is probably less than two weeks, and even then it was a child and I knew I was going to be coming home shortly (side note: I don't know when I was away for 2 weeks as a child, but I know we had family vacations at least that long so don't ask me where I went...). All of this is to say that I'm not homesick at all. Sure there are a few specific things that I miss, most notably Taco Bell (sorry family), but as a whole, I feel very comfortable being away. Obviously, technology helps with that. I can call anybody in the states for dirt cheap if not free and the time delay isn't horrendous. Additionally, this place really isn't all that different from home. It's a bit bigger of a city, and sure I'm surrounded by people who speak funny, but I can understand them, and it's still a modern city. In fact, when I went to Adelaide a few weekends ago I was struck by how remarkable similar to home that city was. Just the parks and the nature. Adelaide is smaller than Melbourne, and I didn't notice it at first, but I did after spending the full weekend there. On a map, the streets are about as numerable, but the blocks are smaller. And while it was quite busy in certain places, I know that I went during the Adelaide Fringe Festival and realistically the city is has a lot less to do than Melbourne.

Melbourne has a lot going on all the time though. Makes me really wish I had an apartment and wasn't at the whim of a hotel. Luckily it's less busy than it was during the Grand Prix, but having to renew weekly and dealing with the influx of new people each week is exhausting. And I will relish having a room to myself. I have a lead on a room in a house that's significantly less than here, and evidently not too far out in the boonies.

Ugh, no matter how I put it, this whole piece feels so fucking inconsequential. "This is my life" "This is what's happening" "I can't get my life together to leave this shitty place that gives me a place to stay and makes life easy"
What a crock of shit.

Yes, this place is different than home. I'm enjoy myself immensely when I'm not going in complete shambles about my finances or feeling like a giant turd for not finding a job. I spend my days watching tv on my computer and looking at Cracked articles. This isn't a different situation than from home. All I've done is change the setting of my misery from a cold home where I can easily find a job and a warm, but turning colder, place that I sit around doing the exact same shit I would back home but jobless. This isn't some ideal paradise I've found myself in. I can barely even find ways to destroy my taste-buds in this crazy place. The grocery stores don't sell "hot" salsa; only mild and medium, which are even milder settings than they are back home. The only reason they don't have a hot here is so that people can feel like there's another level out there and feel secure in their mediocrity.

At the center of my disheartment (no matter how I try to make a form of "disheart-" work, spell check says I'm wrong, so disheartment (no spell check I don't mean "dish heart") stays even if it's not a word. Deal with it) is the dilemma I find myself in every day: I have enough money to survive for 2 months if I do nothing but stay in the city and live as cheaply as I can until I find a job, but as a result I don't do any of the things that brought me here in the first place. I STILL HAVE YET TO SEE A FUCKING KANGAROO! I've used up more than a full month of my year here and what do I have to show for it? Fucking nothing. I've made friends with a bunch of foreigners who have come and gone. Fucking great. I don't have the energy to keep doing that. I'm sick of temporary friends.

Ok, that was very sad that last paragraph. I have been doing things here, especially regarding comedy. I guess that'll be in the next post. I'm just frustrated because I went downstairs to the bar for "Date Night" with free wine and cheese and I don't know anybody and I can't bring myself to try. Also they dole out the wine and cheese in "tastes" and I'm still hungry and not drunk. I bought bottle of brandy because I was feeling too poor about going to bars and not buying alcohol. But they don't let you drink in the rooms and I have no good way to pour the brandy into my flask.

Holy fuck this post has gotten long. I really need to shorten it. But I will probably just post it.

D'oh!

Australia, Finally

It's happened. I've finally arrived in Australia. As I write this, I'm at a brewery in I think Yarra (a suburb of Melboure, again, I think). In case you're wondering why I'm at a brewery, I barely know myself; there was a guy at a liquor store near the hotel, some drinks were involved, now I'm here sitting in the corner drinking. They have an bar thing every Wednesday and Friday apparently. I hope that makes it less weird. If it makes you feel better, it smells kind of like a farm in here. The brewery is called Goat... I think?

Australia is a weird place. It's a lot dryer in Melbourne than I expected. While I was taking the bus from the airport to the downtown area, it was tan and brown with spots of trees. I don't know what I was expecting, but I guess it wasn't that. Again, I don't know what I was expecting though. It's summer here, and definitely feels like it. Even at the airport it was very summery. I practically forgot how sweat feels. It's still light out and that feels really bizarre in itself. Even if the warm weather isn't too far off from the Vegas and Los Angeles weather, the fact that it's 7pm and still very light outside is fucking with my head.

I feel very foreign here. I'm having a really hard time with the whole "opposite side of the street" thing. And I'm not even driving! I keep almost running into people on the street. Because I needed wifi, I ate at Burger King, but it isn't called Burger King here. It's called Hungry Man or something. I don't know, and it probably doesn't matter. For dinner I'm committed to try something Australian, if not local. They have pizza here at the brewery, and I'm kinda tempted by that. Other than this brewery, my plan for tonight is to go to a comedy show. Trouble is, I don't know where or when the show is. The hotel I'm staying at charges for the wifi per hour, and I completely refuse to pay that. I might as well nurse a coffee or beer for the same price while I'm using the internet.

I'm going to touch on the public transport (ation; the bastards just call it "transport") later, but after getting initially very confused, I found out it's relatively easy. The biggest problem I see is that they don't publish their right way, so it doesn't show up on google maps.

I have a lot more to say, but I have a long time here, so I'll stop for now. Also, I'll add some pictures later; my Blogger app apparently doesn't get along with my Dropbox app.