Winding Down

I'm less than two months away from when I leave Melbourne. As I wind down, I'm just... sad, I guess. I've thought a lot about whether or not I'd stay if I could. I'm not sure. It's a really hard question. Melbourne's been good to me. There's a lot of talk about the Festival, and I can't help feeling regret. I really wanted to do a show. I still have all the Post-It notes on my wall outlining which jokes I want to tell in what order. The situation is a bit retching for me, but also relieving. The thought of remaining in Melbourne for another 6 months straight, working at another job I hate is not something I want. I am still looking for a temporary job for the next 2 months. Another grand or two would really help my travel situation. Plus I can feel OK spending money on while I'm still here (i.e., drinking). And actually, I have been out drinking more lately. I think part of it is that I know A: time is limited, B: I spend my days at home trying to save money and feel like I need to go out, and C: just found people who have been out and want to be social. A lot of the time I've spent in this country has been solo. I don't regret that, it came with the territory of me moving to a brand new continent without knowing anybody, but the reasoning doesn't make it less lonely. My experience with traveling alone is that it's a world full of acquaintances, but few close friends. And maybe that's due to comedy. Looking back, there have been a lot of experiences I've had where fellow travelers, especially early on, have been going out to do something and I went to comedy instead. And comedy is a lot of acquaintances all hanging out. Obviously, there have ban really great times with comedy people, but it's also been a bit of being an outsider looking in. What's saddest is that just as I'm getting closer friends with people, I'm about to leave.

I'd like to think I'll come back to this post, but more than likely this'll be it. 10pm, 11/27/13

So, Where Do We Go From Here?

Let's just jump in.

I decided against doing the comedy festival. It was becoming stressful, and really, I'm beginning to feel the itch to leave Melbourne. I'll be here until at least mid January, but I think what happens after that is I explore Australia for a bit, leave when my via expires, travel around this side of the pacific a little, then head home. I didn't take the decision to decline the festival lightly, but what it would mean is that I have to stay put for half a year, and I'm just prepared to do that. There was also a concern regarding the visa situation, and I'd rather not get burned. I think it's just best to let it go, maybe try again in a year or so, get a producer and apply super early. Melbourne's been good to me. I've enjoyed my time here, but barring some significant wrinkle, it's time to wind it down. I've a few pretty great gigs lined up for before I leave. I'm also gonna be here for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and probably New Years. I've also grown a lot. I know I'll have a big retrospective when I'm closer to leaving, s expect that in a few weeks.
I'm not sure what will happen with this blog when I leave. I mean the title will become a bit of a misnomer. I haven't been Ju-wallowing for months now, so when I leave Australia it'll be completely wrong.

Back to the present though, I do need to get a job for a while. A few weeks at least. Maybe it's not wise to broadcast my plans case potential employers read this blog, but I doubt anywhere I will apply gives too big a shit. I just need to pay rent, have a couple grand to travel. I know I'll be getting some money back, and I can sustain myself on credit for a while, but I'd like to avoid it if possible. The problem with jobs though, is they suck. Don't get me wrong, I'm getting bored of not doing anything. I feel guilty just reading when it's so nice out, and it seems like all I do is go out and drink. While fun, it's really no way to live. It gets sad. I watched the entire sixth season of Mad Men while nursing a hangover. While I really enjoyed it, I couldn't shake the feeling of futility; what's the point? I'm in Australia, but I'm just hiding away inside. I haven't written a decent joke in months, and I know it's because I'm not having interactions with strangers I normally wouldn't talk to. It's time to make a change.

what to do with my time

I keep doing this thing where I write half a post then give up and don't post it. So, sorry. I think I'll have a flurry of half finished posts some day. But not today. Today I'm here to write a post start to finish.

Honestly, my real motivation for writing that is that I've done practically nothing all day. It's 6:20pm on a Monday, and all I've done is laundry and watch movies on my tablet that I've already seen. That is not a very impressive thing to do while living in Australia. I'm even gonna go far as to say it's not impressive in general. I have this dilemma where I have enough funds to live for a while, but it's diminishing, and I need a substantial amount for the festival. Also, I think the US government wants me to pay taxes on what I earned here. Part of me is tempted to start using my credit card, and just put off paying that until next year. Due to Australian taxes and super, I will be able to pay off the CC debt practically immediately if need be.
The other option is that I get a job. A lot of my attitude I think is that jobs suck, and it would be nice to not have one for longer. I've been unemployed for over a month now, and that is probably long enough. I'm at the point where due to my lack of income, I haven't even gone out and travelled! Which is one of the main reasons I quit my job in the first place! What I think I need to do is choose a place to go, spend a few bills, and be OK with it. It's just hard when I'm not sure if I be able to find a source of paychecks when I get back. What happens if I come back and can find no job whatsoever?

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

Not sure exactly what I want to do, but writing about it has cleared my mind a bit. Thanks guys.

Springtime for Danzorz

It's tough to know what to write about. Lot's of things go on in my life, and it's hard to know which are actually relevant. I guess I'll start with comedy:
I got into the Festival. That's actually really important news, and I'm super psyched. But also at the same time, it freaks me out badly. I'll be producing a show (self producing is still technically producing), which I've never done before. I still have to rent (they called renting "hiring" here. It's fucking goofy) a venue, come up with a title, verify visa details, and take a set of photos for the show's theme within the next 3 weeks. Oh, and beyond that, I need to write about another 15 minutes. I'm not so much worried about the comedy; I know it's mostly all there, and what isn't will come within the next 5 months. I still don't have a title yet. I've been considering something dumb like "Dan Juola Conquers Melbourne" and then take photos of me pretending to take over places American military style with lot's of spectators ridiculing. But I'm also considering being more genuine, like "Becoming Melbourne" and have a description of everything that I've been through to get to where I am, and how I feel like a Melbournian. It's less gimmicky, and there's more honesty in that title. The way I've been organizing the show is by just putting together all the bits I've been working on written on post it notes, and arranged on my wall. I've attached a picture of the process, which is neato torpedo!

Being here is certainly weird. I knew I wanted to move, but I didn't know if it was going to be permanent. Now here I am with inroads, and friends. I very much miss Minneapolis, but Melbourne has become to feel like home. I'm sure I'd leave if I had the option to stay. Melbourne is definitely will always be a home away from home now. I can't imagine this being my last Melbourne Festival.

I'm not looking forward to the extreme heat that's coming. Spring has brought variable weather, which I'm fine with. Melbournians winge quite often. I don't worry too much about it. I went to the beach yesterday. City beaches tend to suck, and while they're better than any of the oceanic beaches of Minneapolis ("Oh I see what you did there"), they still kinda suck. I'm going to have to get a job soon in order to do the festival, but I really want to travel. I may have to postpone my trips around the country due to cash. Ideally, I could get a halfway decent bar job during the day that paid under the table, but that's probably too much to ask for. Realistically, I'll just go to Melbourne Central and hand out my resume to everywhere I would even remotely consider working. I think if I work until January or February and I can get by. As long as I can get about a grand a month I can live off what I've got. I know I'll be getting tax and super annuation (mandatory retirement fund, paid by employers), so that will set me up for when I get back to the States.

I think I should include more than just scratch the surface of my life bullshit in this post. Part of why I don't write often is that I know it's just "these are random events in my life blah blah blah" that I find utterly dry and unuseful, which is apparently not a word. This sabbatical has entailed a lot of soul searching that I did not fully expect. Well, it's not that I didn't expect it, it's that it manifests in ways that are unexpected. On election day a couple of months back, I had a hard night of drinking, took a cab home, passed out, and woke up to see that I'd thrown up during the night, but hadn't woken up (gross). The first thought I had was christ that's gross I need to clean that up. But as I got to thinking about it, the more disturbed I became. That's the kind of thing that people die from. Hell, I've know people who've died that way. I could have died. While I haven't stopped drinking, it's definitely been a wake up call (which is ironic, because I didn't wake up to throw up (gross)). I mean, I've already been concerned with mortality lately, and that kind of event stares you right in your fucking face. The invincibility was a myth.

Something tells me that that last paragraph contains a very funny, very dark joke.

Embracing Different

Editor's note: I'm aware this is probably not the most complete post I've ever written. It's vague. Sorry. I'm not really. This is my blog and I'll do what I like with it.



I'm at home right now, and actually about to go to an info session for the festival, but I wanted to put some thoughts down.

I think it's very good that I did this, travel here. I doubt I'll stay here, but I think that's mostly due to visa circumstances. It's absolutely incredible that I've traveled across the world, created an entirely new network of people that realistically I have no business meeting. I never would have considered leaving home if not for events that I had virtually no control and no choice. Additionally, I think of people, friends, moving to other cities. Some go back a long way, but others are relatively new, barely beyond a year. The world is a scary place. I do not know what happens next in my life. There's a very strong pull back to Minneapolis. Very strong. But not immeasurable, and I know that I have other options, if less safe. Safety left me happy, if ignorant, in Minneapolis. In fact talking about plans other than the one I've been envisioning if quite scary.

I signed up for a story telling event next Tuesday, and that terrifies me. A lot of comic's here do story telling, and seemed like something I should try. After all, I get on stage and tell people things right? But as the event looms, I'm mortified. I was considering cancelling, or pushing back the date. I decided not to though; one of the things I want to do with my time is to try new things, things that are sometimes scary. I don't know who I am, or who I'm becoming, but I've decided it's alright if it's something a little different. And I still have a lot new experiences awaiting.

Unemployment Part: Uh.... Unemployment: the Next Part

Maybe it's sad that I've lost track of the times I've been unemployed in this last year. Or maybe it's a good thing (it's not).

The last post I started to explain where I am in life. It's very liberating to have the time to do what I want, but looming over me are great stresses. The Melbourne International Comedy Festival registration is coming up, and it's not a small feat to put together a show. Also, though I have enough cash on hand to live on for a few months, I also know that it is not infinite. Both those weigh heavy on me, but the pull to just relax and go back into vacation mode is also strong. In a lot of ways it's stronger. For example, though heavy is the shadow of the Festival, I've started reading again. Within the last few days, I've read the entire "Fellowship of the Ring", and yesterday alone, I blew through half of the "Two Towers". It's long been a goal of mine to read the Lord of the Rings, but who has the time. Turns out I do, as long as I completely skirt the responsibilities I absolutely have to finish.

I should say this isn't the a new feeling. The stress is like being in college again, but instead of papers and projects it's something that I actively want to pursue. And instead of video games, I'm reading (admittedly, fantasy) books.
I know that I'm dragging my feet on regarding the festival show. It's not even the actual work that's behind my procrastination; it's the fear of rejection. What if I apply and don't get in? Obviously, I have contingency plans, and I'm not long for Melbourne in the event my show is rejected. I mean, I didn't come here to create extra stress for myself, but I'm here, and so is it. I just worry that the rest of my life is one big ball of stress. Our culture prides itself on producers, people who create and accomplish. But that creation and accomplishment is very much tied to constant stress. The older I get the more I realize it just doesn't stop.

The thing is, the show itself is coming along quite nicely. I'm quite happy with the jokes, and even reaching 45 minutes doesn't seem like it's that much of a stretch.


I also feel like that I should talk about food, because, you know, I like to eat. I'm in love with meat pies as of late. Upon arrival, I was skeptical, maybe even a little hostile. But no longer! Guys, I am super all about pies. As my time passes in this country, I'm beginning to colour (shit, I just did that accidentally...) the picture of things I'll miss. Would I trade Pieface for Taco Bell? I'm not sure I would. But I am concerned that I won't have ready access to pies. Also Bundaberg "Rum". It's actually not really a rum. I mean, it is kind of. Well, let's put it this way, Bundaberg company sent a bottle to a rum competition with over 500 rums, and the competition sent it back. It's considered particularly white trash, but goddamn if I don't love it.

Transition

I quit my job.

That's probably the most important thing that's happened to me in the recent past, and a turning point for my trip. It seems as though the "making money" portion of my trip is, if not at a complete end, absolutely on the back-burner. It also means there's a significant (and stressful, FUCKING HOORAY) period in my near future.

I realize that I haven't posted anything in quite a while. Sorry. Go check back. I've written some things that you can look back on that hopefully I've posted. If not, well, I'll be home eventually. You can assault me for it.

There's a pull I've been feeling lately. The beginning of my trip was in a lot of ways relaxing. I recognize that it was also very stressful. My guess is because I wasn't able to accept the non-stress. One of my chief concerns upon arrival was to find work immediately. I felt the financial pinch of travelling very acutely, and was not fond of it. Even now, being jobless has a way of creating extra stress where extra stress is not needed. I know that I like to think that I'm a very stress free person. In a lot of ways I am. I like to cultivate this image, but realistically I stress out very easily. I still do not like being single. I'm not sure if that's something I've discussed at any length; I know I've talked about how the end of a relationship affected me, but I don't know that I've discussed being in a state of "single". It's not my intention to say that I'm looking for a relationship. That seems like a problematic state to be in. I also miss the relationships from back home. At the genesis of these feelings is that I've been feeling like an outsider.


And I stopped writing.
I want you all to know that what's happened, and why this post feels like it was abruptly ended. Because it did. Rather than continue a mindset I'm no longer I'm entirely in, I've opted to start another post.