Embracing Different

Editor's note: I'm aware this is probably not the most complete post I've ever written. It's vague. Sorry. I'm not really. This is my blog and I'll do what I like with it.



I'm at home right now, and actually about to go to an info session for the festival, but I wanted to put some thoughts down.

I think it's very good that I did this, travel here. I doubt I'll stay here, but I think that's mostly due to visa circumstances. It's absolutely incredible that I've traveled across the world, created an entirely new network of people that realistically I have no business meeting. I never would have considered leaving home if not for events that I had virtually no control and no choice. Additionally, I think of people, friends, moving to other cities. Some go back a long way, but others are relatively new, barely beyond a year. The world is a scary place. I do not know what happens next in my life. There's a very strong pull back to Minneapolis. Very strong. But not immeasurable, and I know that I have other options, if less safe. Safety left me happy, if ignorant, in Minneapolis. In fact talking about plans other than the one I've been envisioning if quite scary.

I signed up for a story telling event next Tuesday, and that terrifies me. A lot of comic's here do story telling, and seemed like something I should try. After all, I get on stage and tell people things right? But as the event looms, I'm mortified. I was considering cancelling, or pushing back the date. I decided not to though; one of the things I want to do with my time is to try new things, things that are sometimes scary. I don't know who I am, or who I'm becoming, but I've decided it's alright if it's something a little different. And I still have a lot new experiences awaiting.

Unemployment Part: Uh.... Unemployment: the Next Part

Maybe it's sad that I've lost track of the times I've been unemployed in this last year. Or maybe it's a good thing (it's not).

The last post I started to explain where I am in life. It's very liberating to have the time to do what I want, but looming over me are great stresses. The Melbourne International Comedy Festival registration is coming up, and it's not a small feat to put together a show. Also, though I have enough cash on hand to live on for a few months, I also know that it is not infinite. Both those weigh heavy on me, but the pull to just relax and go back into vacation mode is also strong. In a lot of ways it's stronger. For example, though heavy is the shadow of the Festival, I've started reading again. Within the last few days, I've read the entire "Fellowship of the Ring", and yesterday alone, I blew through half of the "Two Towers". It's long been a goal of mine to read the Lord of the Rings, but who has the time. Turns out I do, as long as I completely skirt the responsibilities I absolutely have to finish.

I should say this isn't the a new feeling. The stress is like being in college again, but instead of papers and projects it's something that I actively want to pursue. And instead of video games, I'm reading (admittedly, fantasy) books.
I know that I'm dragging my feet on regarding the festival show. It's not even the actual work that's behind my procrastination; it's the fear of rejection. What if I apply and don't get in? Obviously, I have contingency plans, and I'm not long for Melbourne in the event my show is rejected. I mean, I didn't come here to create extra stress for myself, but I'm here, and so is it. I just worry that the rest of my life is one big ball of stress. Our culture prides itself on producers, people who create and accomplish. But that creation and accomplishment is very much tied to constant stress. The older I get the more I realize it just doesn't stop.

The thing is, the show itself is coming along quite nicely. I'm quite happy with the jokes, and even reaching 45 minutes doesn't seem like it's that much of a stretch.


I also feel like that I should talk about food, because, you know, I like to eat. I'm in love with meat pies as of late. Upon arrival, I was skeptical, maybe even a little hostile. But no longer! Guys, I am super all about pies. As my time passes in this country, I'm beginning to colour (shit, I just did that accidentally...) the picture of things I'll miss. Would I trade Pieface for Taco Bell? I'm not sure I would. But I am concerned that I won't have ready access to pies. Also Bundaberg "Rum". It's actually not really a rum. I mean, it is kind of. Well, let's put it this way, Bundaberg company sent a bottle to a rum competition with over 500 rums, and the competition sent it back. It's considered particularly white trash, but goddamn if I don't love it.

Transition

I quit my job.

That's probably the most important thing that's happened to me in the recent past, and a turning point for my trip. It seems as though the "making money" portion of my trip is, if not at a complete end, absolutely on the back-burner. It also means there's a significant (and stressful, FUCKING HOORAY) period in my near future.

I realize that I haven't posted anything in quite a while. Sorry. Go check back. I've written some things that you can look back on that hopefully I've posted. If not, well, I'll be home eventually. You can assault me for it.

There's a pull I've been feeling lately. The beginning of my trip was in a lot of ways relaxing. I recognize that it was also very stressful. My guess is because I wasn't able to accept the non-stress. One of my chief concerns upon arrival was to find work immediately. I felt the financial pinch of travelling very acutely, and was not fond of it. Even now, being jobless has a way of creating extra stress where extra stress is not needed. I know that I like to think that I'm a very stress free person. In a lot of ways I am. I like to cultivate this image, but realistically I stress out very easily. I still do not like being single. I'm not sure if that's something I've discussed at any length; I know I've talked about how the end of a relationship affected me, but I don't know that I've discussed being in a state of "single". It's not my intention to say that I'm looking for a relationship. That seems like a problematic state to be in. I also miss the relationships from back home. At the genesis of these feelings is that I've been feeling like an outsider.


And I stopped writing.
I want you all to know that what's happened, and why this post feels like it was abruptly ended. Because it did. Rather than continue a mindset I'm no longer I'm entirely in, I've opted to start another post.

Pantry Fresh: Australia

Here's the Ozzie version. I was gonna put it on Facebook, but decided against it. I'm glad you came to read it.

I was at a petrol station the other day, and they were advertising for their coffee. Apparently the coffee is sweet as, because they call it "pantry fresh coffee". So I went up to the bloke behind the counter and said "look mate, pantries aren't fresh". I mean come on, pantry fresh sounds like what a bogan offers his guests. "G'day, this coffee is heaps good- it's pantry fresh! I bought it on 25/8/2008 from Woolies! Just scrape off the mold and it's fair dinkum! Hey, are you hungry? Because I can shout you some pantry fresh bananas from 16/9/2007, gooey and delicious!"

6 Months

So, if you read my last post, I'm totally a wanker (pronounced "wanka", I believe...). I've been in this country 6 months exactly now. I don't know what I really want to write, but for some reason I feel like commemorating this milestone. It's a bit weird to get excited about. I mean, it's no small achievement for me to have left, but I didn't celebrate that milestone. I left on February 5th; August 5th came and went and I didn't even notice. Maybe it's the fact that leaving your home isn't as big a deal. I don't know. Oh, by the way, it's 9(ish) on the morning of 8/22. I work today, but not for another 4 hours. I like how I wrote that in case you were worried about me (that's right, you! The reader! 4th wall consider yourself officially busted!).
I'm beginning to feel the effects of homesickness. There are things that I just miss. I see summer going on back home and feel like I'm missing out. That's not to say that I'm not having incredible experiences here, but it does mean that I see everything on facebook and can't help feeling lonely. I know that I use this place to mope, and I am sorry for that (not really). Let's try to keep upbeat.

I'd originally had this grand scheme idea for what I wanted to post today. I'd thought that I wanted to write a list of things that I miss about home on my 6th month anniversary, one thing for every letter (I know, still a wanker), but now that I'm here it feels too depressing (and also douchy). I'm not going home soon, and I'm ok with that. I think what happens now instead is what I'd originally planned for the end of my tenure here- a non-alphabetical list of things that I really love here:

*REMOVED*

Ok, just made that horrible list and immediately regret it. And scratch that last sentence, I deleted the horrible list. Turns out I mostly like food. I guess it's mostly food that I really like?
I still have a lot of this country to see. I was talking at work about how similar this country is to my own, and my international co-workers asked how much I'd been out of Melbourne. Not much is the answer. The thought has been that I'll use the money I save here to travel back through Asia and Europe, but maybe I need to use it to travel Australia. I still want to learn how to surf. I know I can do that here in the summer, but that doesn't negate the fact that I need to go to other parts of the country. For fuck's sake I haven't even seen Sydney yet. NOR A KANGAROO! But I can't. I have to remain here to finish up the job here. It's only about 2 and half more months.

I have been doing Australia things though. I went to a footy (Aussie Football) game last weekend. The Richmond vs Carlton game. The weird thing about footy is that it's mostly a Melbourne game, and most of the teams are in the Melbourne area so people just pick a team. That's not to say that people switch. Once you have a team you have a fucking team. Mine is Richmond; Richmond was the first place I stayed in Australia when all the hostels were full. That seemed like a fitting reason to me. Anyway, I bought a team scarf, which is what people do when they support a team apparently. Richmond lost, but it was fun to go. They sell pies (meat pies) for like 4 bucks, which at a stadium is pretty fucking good. Also, $21 to get in is pretty reasonable. I may go to another game, but we'll see. The season ends in about a month.

Not probably the most interesting note to leave on. Sorry. I recognize that I don't usually end these posts gracefully. I think I'm going to go up to the tallest place in Melbourne today. I'll post a picture of it.

Mid August and This is the Best Title I Could Think Of

It's been quite a while since I posted anything on here. If you've been wondering if something has happened to me, the answer is not really. I'm still at the call center job; I'm still in the house; I'm still Ju-wallowing here down under (I BET YOU GUYS THOUGH I FORGOT ABOUT THAT, BUT I TOTALLY DIDN'T!!!). Actually, as of Thursday (uh, I think?) I will have been in Australia for 6 months exactly. Come to think of it, I was (mostly) planning on writing on that day, but since I feel like writing now, saving writing until then just seems a bit wanky. Which is a word I definitely would never have used back home. It's been a bit of a concern of mine, the whole foreign phrase thing. I've started using "mate" quite frequently. That one I'm alright with, but it's sneaky the way it slips into my vernacular. I catch myself saying shit as an adjective (rather than "shitty") a lot more often than I'd like. I don't like it. Maybe it's not so bad, but I certainly feel like that douchebag who comes back from abroad and won't shut the fuck up about it.

Actually, that last part I struggle with a fair bit. I don't know how to talk to friends/family about my trip. I'm very self-conscious about trying not to make an entirely one-sided conversation, and discussing my life here a very easy topic to ramble on about. I'm not sure how this is supposed to go. I mean, my life has been so drastically different, and sometimes the static world just keeps going in the same direction. I honestly don't mean to be a jackass. Sorry if I suck at talking about it is what I guess I'm getting at.

I want to mention that I have been writing, but I haven't been thrilled with what I've been writing. I may post what I've written, but there's a decent chance I won't. At least not for now. I tried free writing and didn't like what came out. Not because it wasn't honest, but because it was. This blog reflects what my soul in a lot of ways and I try to be open, but some doors are better left closed. At least publicly. Suffice to say that my past still haunts me more than I'd like. Let's go back to my job though.

Foxtel is fine. I'm just shy of about halfway done with my tenure. For a terrible job, it's actually quite good. Well, not the job itself, but the fringe benefits. The people on my team are great, and I don't think it would be as bearable. We're a ragtag group of (mostly) expats. We've all gone out drinking quite a few times. And not just happy hour, one or two drinks kind of drinking. Like "I missed my tram stop because well past tipsy" kind of drunk. It's quite nice to have normal people who I can just go out drinking with. I even went up to the mountains over my birthday with one of my coworkers. Which was actually quite an experience. AH fuck, I realize that the trip was actually quite worth chronicling, but I don't have the stamina for it now. I promise it'll come.

The other significant benefit of working at Foxtel is all the material I've been getting. It's a few months in and I have a series of jokes that are entirely from the experience, plus the ability to adapt others to the situation.

The comedy situation is moving in a positive direct in general. I like the think that I've got 20-25 minutes out of my experience in Australia, but realistically it's probably more like 15. Nothing to sneeze at, but definitely shy of the hour that I need before April. I know that the full hour won't be based entirely on Australian written jokes, but the more I can get out of it the better. I have to put some significant time in arrangement currently. The Post-It Notes will help (I bought Post-It Notes btw. I don't remember if I mentioned that in previous posts or not...). I know I'll get where I need to be by then. I'm also thinking about trying to get it into the Twin Cities Fringe next year and do the hour, fresh off my hour of MICF. Who's to say if that plan will ever come to fruition, but for now it's something I'm definitely thinking about.

Ok, I'm mentally crashing. It's time to stop writing. Sorry guys, I'll have to update you on my riveting life later.

Late July

It's almost 4am on the morning of 27 July (I've started doing that for work. It tears me up inside). I'm about 4 drinks deep, having woke up to the sound of my roommate and some friends playing music in the living room. I'd like to say I don't know why I'm writing now, but I do; I've been putting off again and I have willful to write.

I have a lot of people I've been meaning to write to as well, but I just don't get the motivation.

OK, the brief break I took to make coffee just stretched into 45 minutes. But I'm back, and with coffee and biscuits (cookies). I'm actually quite gond of the cookie/biscuit culture here. It pairs well with the coffee tea culture. I'm not sure if I've elaborated on the topic yet, but coffee here is different. And I'm not just referring to the espresso machine in my house, it's that I can't find a decent coffee shop open past like 5pm. Fuck I keep retreading old topics. Let's do this; here's what's happening in my life:

I'm still working at Salmat. It's a call center organization. I'm pretty sure I tried to avoid saying the actual company I was taking calls for in the last post, but I kind of don't care any more; I work for Foxtel, which is the only cable tv company in Australia. It's a shit job. And the worst part about that last sentence is that I said it was "shit" instead of shitty. I haven't been here 6 months, and I've picked up Australianisms. I mean, I still occasionally say downtown instead of CBD, but I've definitely picked up phrases like "how're you going". At first I actively rejected it, but I've come to the conclusion that it's the phonetically the laziest fucking greeting in the English language. Seriously. Say it out loud right now. "How ya goin'". It's just one fluid motion. It's like it's practically one word.

Actually, it's quite weird being on calls at the call center and phonebanking for the local Labor candidate. On several occasions, I've had people ask me where I was located. Melbourne. I'm in Melbourne in your fucking country. Do you honestly think things are so bad in America that Australia is outsourcing call center jobs? Nope. I'm here visiting, and relatively low on funds at the moment so I've denigrated myself to work at a call center 10,000 miles away from home.
If I'm being honest though, I don't really mind the job. The days go by quickly, and I'm fond of most of the people I work with. The pay is Australia adequate, but America good. As of yet, I have no reason to leave. There's been talk of keeping people on after the 5 month contract, but as one co-worker put it "the fact that there is an end date in sight is big reason why the job is tolerable".

I'm also volunteering for the local Labor candidate for Batman (hehehe). It feels great to be in a campaign office, and see what's going on. It's a very relaxed atmosphere at this point, which is almost a bit irritating for me. The focus of volunteers seems to be shorter here than back home, but it's technically not election season yet, so I'll have to see what happens when an election date is set. Beyond that frustration is actually a deeper insecurity about volunteering for the office. I doubt highly that this volunteer stint will present an opportunity for work, and that being the case I have a strong feeling of outsider-ness. This isn't my campaign. I have no real vested interest in the outcome. In fact, the main opposition is a group of people with whom I actually harbor some sympathy. The interesting aspect of Batman (HEHEHEHEHE) is that the Liberal party is so outmatched that they aren't even the primary opposition, it's the Greens. Many of the people on the campaign are part of Young Labor, and I just question, not their loyalty, nor their commitment, but their logic. If you don't live in the district, is it really that important that Labor maintain the seat? Sure a Green MP wouldn't caucus with Labor, but ultimately so what? They would still support Kevin Rudd over Tony Abbott. Don't get me wrong, I'll continue the work (well, volunteering) I'm doing, but under these circumstances it's difficult to get excited. That, and the general malaise of the Australian people towards politics. It just.... it's just not home.

I want to address my comedy as well. Since my last post I'm actually feeling quite good about what I've been writing. The demons that brought me to this country are finally being addressed. It's an odd sort of business. I knew that I wanted to make my comedy more personal, that was part of my sabbatical to Melbourne in the first place, but it's a different process that I expected it would be, in large part because I had no specific expectations. All I had were vague notions of "I need to leave and figure out my life". In fact, it's actually quite reaffirming that most of what I'm talking about on stage isn't about the relationship itself. The last thing I want to do is reminisce about what I had. No, the way my experience is manifesting is through the person I've become since the funeral of my old life. Like most good comedy, it's an exaggerated version of what my life actually is, through my own personal lens.

I just paused to reflect on what I've wrtten, and began to fall asleep. Perhaps 5:25 is as a good a time as any to stop. Upon edit in the morning, we'll see what happens.